Thursday 16 July 2009

SWEET LORD, SOME PEOPLE ARE STUPID

I don’t know…what a strange day! You try to have a laugh and entertain a few people, maybe provoke a little good-natured debate and generate a bit of excitement about some new music…and what happens? A lot of drooling idiots totally miss the point and start kicking off. I probably shouldn’t have bothered to read the comments on my blog (although the vast majority of them were pretty encouraging and clearly written by people with functioning brains) and I definitely shouldn’t have clicked on the links people sent me to various threads on forums, apparently inspired by reactions to my Megadeth Vs Metallica piece…but, you know, my ego gets in the way and it’s hard not to have sneaky peak and then, as if by magic, I find myself confronted with vast amounts of dim-witted crap written by morons who (a) didn’t understand anything that I’d written, (b) didn’t recognise that it was supposed to be FUNNY…I’m not know for my subtlety, so that really threw me…and (c) seemed to think that I was trying to bully people into agreeing with me, rather than expressing a subjective opinion for no other reason than because I can and because, I hope, I can do it in a mildly amusing manner. Personally, I thought it was pretty entertaining stuff, and whether you prefer Megadeth to Metallica or vice versa, it was a bit of a giggle and vaguely thought-provoking and, perhaps, a teensy bit controversial. But ultimately it was absolutely blindingly obvious that I wasn’t expecting anyone to take it remotely seriously. I do prefer Megadeth to Metallica (marginally, as it happens), so that bit was sincere, but the rest of it? It was a comically extravagant rant, designed to elicit chuckles. Nothing more. If I’d written a piece about how Metallica are better than Megadeth, no one would have cared. That’s the orthodox view, the status quo. There’s no laughs to be had there. If I’d actually slagged Metallica off, I could understand people calling me a twat. And I am a twat, so it’s not like I’m not expecting it. But I didn’t. I love Metallica. I’m listening to them right now, in fact. Ride The Lightning. I know all the words and everything.

Of course, I don’t actually care if a bunch of dribbling mongos think I’m an idiot for preferring one band to another. Neither do I care that some people have no sense of humour and are thus incapable of spotting a joke when it’s blasted into their eyeballs from point blank range. But I do find it rather depressing that so many imbeciles are permitted to use the internet. Shouldn’t there be a rule against that? Couldn’t there be some sort of intelligence/humour test that people have to take before they’re allowed broadband? Couldn’t all the hopelessly humourless twattery that makes me want to go on a remorseless and deranged killing spree just be automatically deleted by some super-sophisticated robot? Because, really, I seldom meet people that stupid in real life. I don’t see why I should have to put up with them on here. It rather spoils things, don’t you think?

So you disagree with me. So what? I’m not your dad. Stop having a strop and chill out. This is heavy metal. We’re all friends here. Except you. You smell of piss.

Anyway, the good thing is that most people seemed to dig it. And they discussed it on Norwegian radio! Mental. What a crazy world we live in. Dio bless you all. Night night!

18 comments:

  1. The line about Megadeth still having long hair was the best laugh I've had in weeks!

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  2. That was amusing. I laughed! I know how it feels.. I've been on youtube countless times to watch a metallica video or a megadeth video and on each on there is always a dispute between which band is better. Right now I am kinda inbetween the two. As a guitarist I LOVE how technical megadeth is and i learn their songs to improve on my technique, but i also love metallica songs because of the technical side but they also have a more chill attitude in their song playing.

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  3. Luckily, people we encounter in public don't often speak to make their ignorance so very obvious. It's mostly these vapid wastes of brain matter who found themselves stumbling upon your blogspot. Many of the more giftedly-challenged people need not open their mouths to inflict their idiocy upon the unprepared public. The article was very amusing, you succeeded in such respects, and did shed a necessary light on the empty exuberance many of Metallica's recent catalog is recieving.

    Let's hope those who stumbled through primary school wander past where your articles are being linked to on Facebook and Twitter.

    Either way, the comments are still good for a laugh and the daily requisite head-shake at the development of humanity.

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  4. Well spoken - you are a scholar amongst simpletons.

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  5. Problem is, some of these overly serious, humor- impaired people are on Megadeth.com harshing my vibe. :sigh:

    Hey, Mr. Lawson, maybe you could write a send-up of the "I hate Dave Mustaine and want to stab him in the eye, the asshole prick ginger git" brigade and it would even things out out?

    I worship the ground that prick asshole ginger git walks on, but if it is was even half as funny as what I just read...well, I might die from it, but that would be okay. It would get me out of paying my bills.

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  6. It's all in good gesture as anyone with a brain could comprehend. I never really thought who was better with either band until you wrote the piece and I have to agree that Megadeth are a better band than Metallica, not by much but there is something a lot more metal about Megadeth than Metallica. So I give you credit for inspiring me to go away and actually think even if it wasn;t meant to be that way. As for all the retards who are fretting about it, may they go to hell and suffer with the nazis.

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  7. Is 'Endgame' as good as you said, though? Reading that made me more excited about a 'Deth record than I have been in years, and it'd be a shame if that's supposed to be wholly comical too :(

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  8. Have the same problem on my blog with retards that are unable to understand sarkasm even if before using it would signalised to them by a huge flashy banner.
    Great piece of writting there. I am a fan of Mtallica, they're close to my heart but sadly I can't not agree with you. Since the Black album they havent recorded anything that would throw me on my knees.

    Rigor Mortis

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  9. The bit about the hair was probably the greatest thing I've ever read. If Endgame is as good as you say it is I'm gonna die waiting for it. Oh well, Rust In Peace for now :D

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  10. Haha, it was a fantastic post and anyone who was upset about it is seriously lacking brain cells.

    This is coming from a guy who prefers Metallica to Megadeth.

    -Dan Contogiannis

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  11. You are all awesome. Many, many thanks! :)

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  12. Just wanted to mention that the norwegian hardrock and metal show definately understood that it was all in good fun. Of course some of the comments on their blog didn't get it at all.

    Their last blogpost is about this awesomeness
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7bAuzNTIBs&e

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  13. YOU GUYS ALL WAYS COMPARING METALLICA AND MEGADETH OR LETS SAY MEGADETH IS BETTER THAN METALLICA. WELL IT'S PRETTY SILLY, WE ALL KNOW THAT EVERYBODY LOVES METALLICA AND ITS SO OBVIOUS THAT MANY HEAVY METAL BANDS TODAY HAD BEEN INFLUENCE BY MIGHTY METALLICA ( sorry to you Dave not to offend you, truth hurts yeah). I LOVE MUSIC SO MUCH AND I AM BOTH FAN OF METALLICA AND MEGADETH BECAUSE THEIR SOUND ARE CRUNCHING LIKE SAWING MACHINE AND HAS A LOT OF GUTS...WELL I WANT TO DRILL INTO YOUR PEANUT BRAIN THAT METALLICA GOT NOTHING TO PROBE (RES IPSA LOQUITOR).THE SUCCESS OF METALLICA IS EXTREMELY DEEPER THAN ANY OTHER METAL BANDS IN THIS PLANET. THEY PUT A LOT OF BLOOD, HARDSHIP AND DEDICATION TO THEIR MUSIC.I THINK THAT THEY WANT TO MOVE ON INTO THE COMPETITIVE SITUATION BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THEY ARE UNBEATABLE. SPECIALLY YOU MR.DOM LAWSON YOU KNOW THAT IN YOUR BOTTOM OF YOUR ASS...WHY TALKING SHIT TO METALLICA WHEN YOUR HEART SHOUT FOR METALLICA...I KNOW YOU WHAT YOU WANT...YOU WANT METALLICA TO PLAY LIKE THE OLD DAYS HAH.OOWWW GET A JOB... YOU LOVE METALLICA SO MUCH.

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  14. I wish I couldn't believe that people didn't get it but aparently there's one born every minute.
    Thanks for a very entertaining peice. \m/

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  15. I enjoyed the reading, I have alot of the same thoughts that you had put down in writing, and I applaud you for doing that. My only concern.....was there ever a celebrity death match between the two groups if so I missed it, who won

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  16. Head @ Epic Caps Lock Fail ...... Anyway, great read on here guys, always look forward to your posts Dom. Always entertaining. Speaking as a huge Megadeth fan, Rust in Peace being my favourite ablum, I am kinda biased.

    Me and my mate always used to say that the reason that Rust... was so fucking good was that Dave and Marty loved the 80's so damn much they crammed in the fastest fucking brutal shit known to man before the 90's came along. Unfortunately for them, the album came out in the 90's and that's why Marty had to leave ( shamed and sickened he was). Either way its better than all of us and I for one cant wait for Endgame.

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  17. This is a test comment to see if this fucking site will actually let me add a comment from my Live Journal log on.

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  18. Mr. Lawson, I took your post quite seriously. It was Parrhesia. But cleverly executed. You almost, just about, kept the continuity of your shoulder & head.

    Now, it is rather clear to me that some guy who has been credited with songwriting in a band's early tapes (that's gonna stick on their, metallica's, tomb stones, right?) and then 'uncredited borrowing' from him in many other songs has got to be proven greater. Not soon. But some day when they are all dead and gone.

    It happened with Nietzsche (there is a connection with Dave Mustaine, especially when Dave makes fun of Nietzsche) and with Kafka and with Kierkegaard. Some men are born posthumously, like Nietzsche said. Tragically (with Nietzsche's twist to the term) Mr. Mustaine was born posthumously.

    Thanks for all your posts ... I'm a biiiig fan!!!!! \m/

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